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A sense of purpose
For the next few days Seamus did not know what to think or do. If it wasn't his journey to America, Seamus was worried about his father's gravestone. As he went about the Valley of Cummeragh, he saw sights that were as familiar to him as the back of his hands. This was home! This was where he belonged, or so he thought. But America! He had heard about America. He knew that they had discovered gold in California thirty years ago and he wondered if there was any still left for him to discover. He wondered about Paul Walsh. What would it be like living with his family? What kind of job would he get? Was he being unfaithful to his family and his father for even thinking that it might be exciting to start life all over again in a new place?
He continued going to Old Dromod Cemetery. He felt peaceful sitting on his father's grave and talking to him about his upcoming trip. He knew, of course, that his father was not there, that he was with God in heaven. But still, he felt better talking to his father as if he really were there.
"Pa, I love Ma and all of them, but I wonder if I should go? To America? I mean, Pa, Ma says that I have no future here. She says that I should make of life for myself in America. She says that I can help her better by leaving. But I don't want to leave her and Martin and Yvonne and all of them and then sometimes I want to leave. I want the best and I know that Father Kennedy says that if I want the best, then I have to give the best. Pa, I'm so confused that I just do not know what to do. What would you do, Pa? What would you do?"
One day, as he was thinking about what his father would do in this situation, Seamus began to think about his father's life. He remembered that he never feared to travel if it meant business, if he could build something. He remembered the time that he went to Kilkenney to help the Fathers there as they moved back into their monastery at the Black Abbey. He loved telling how Father Clement told him that because of his work he made the Black Abbey look like Cromwell had never used the church for a horse barn. He thought about how he repaired the parsonage of the Church of Ireland minister in Cahirciveen, the one who had come to his father's Wake. He remembered that many people thought that he was wrong to work for a Protestant Minister, but his father said that he too was a child of God and deserved our respect. Besides, He got paid good money and this way he took care of the family. He thought about how he had repaired the damage to Mastergeehy Church after the storm blew the trees onto the roof and almost ruined the entire building. It was dangerous work on the old roof, but his father supervised the repairs so well that the church looked untouched by the storm. He thought about how his father had gone fishing last November to provide food for his family. For several minutes Seamus continued to sit on his father's grave. Then, as if he had been hit by the tree that fell on Mastergeehy Church, Seamus cried out,
"Ok, Pa, if you did it, so can I!"
With that, Seamus stood on his father's grave, made the Sign of the Cross, and said a quick Our Father and Hail Mary for his father, and then headed back to see his mother. He was now full of a new resolve and determination and he wanted to tell his mother all about it.
When he arrived home his was surprised and even a little annoyed to find that his mother was not there. She had written him a quick note saying that Tomas had hurt himself at school and that she had to go tend to his injuries. She told Seamus to clean up and as soon as she got home she would talk with him.
"Well, what can I do," Seamus wondered. "What can I do?"
At the moment, there was nothing that he could do but wait. And as he thought about it, he realized that he had better get used to waiting. He was going on a very long voyage across the Atlantic Ocean, "the pond" as he had heard it called, and there might not be a lot to do on that trip. He decided that if this was part of life, then he was going to make the best of it.
Just then it occurred to him that now he was taking control of his life. He had learned many lessons from his father and it was now his time to put those lessons into practice. He had been a pretty good student at Saint John's and now he was going to see if he had been a good student of his father. He tried to clean some of the dishes that his mother had left in the sink and then he started to sweep the floor.
When his mother family finally came home, she thanked him for cleaning the house. Rather than demanding to know why she wasn't there when he came back, he inquired,
"What happened to Tomas? Is he all right?"
Margaret assured Seamus that Tomas was fine. He had simply fallen off the fence as he was eating his lunch and bruised his head. Seamus then asked,
"Have we heard from the undertaker in Cahirciveen? What about Pa's gravestone? When will it be put in Dromod Cemetery? We don't have too much time."
As Margaret washed her hands in the sink, she suggested to Seamus,
"Maybe you had better go into Cahirciveen tomorrow and ask Mr. O'Connell about that. It should be coming soon, I think. And something else, while you are there you can go down the street to the O'Connell Memorial Church and go to Confession. When was the last time you went to Confession?"
"Ma, I don't know when I went to Confession. I don't remember those things."
"Then its probably been too long. You need to go. You are getting ready something pretty big and you need to be ready."
Seamus knew that it was useless to argue with his mother about this so he just let the matter drop. Besides telling her about his morning at the cemetery, there was something else that he had been thinking about.
"Ma, before I leave can I have some of my friends over? I mean, I would like to have dinner with them before I leave. I mean, I might not ever see them again and I would like to say good-bye in the proper sort of way."
"Surely, Seamus. That's a grand idea. You tell me what you would like to eat and that is what I will fix. We'll have them over the Monday right after Easter. If you leave on Wednesday, then we have to go to Queenstown on Tuesday so you tell them to come here for dinner on Monday, yes, Monday. That is a fine idea."
"Ma, I know what I would like to eat. Should I tell you now? I'd like..."
"Colcannon? Is that what you'd like? Colcannon?"
Seamus was embarrassed that his mother knew just what he wanted to have for his friends. He smiled and said,
"Thanks, that's perfect. What more could I want?
"A sip of Guinness, perhaps?"
"Guinness? Can I?"
Shaking her head in resignation, Margaret said,
"Son, I know that pretty soon you are going to on your own and make your own decisions. You will be out of my control. You'll have nobody but yourself to answer to. I know that maybe you will do things that I could never imagine doing. All I want you to promise me is that you'll remember that your Pa and I just wanted you to have the best and to live as a good Catholic. Will you promise me that? Please! Promise me that!"
"Ma, I promise, you don't have to worry about me. I love you and I love my Pa. I love this place and I am never going to forget what you have taught me. What Pa taught me. And, Ma, there is something else that I promise you."
"And what would that be?"
"I promise that I will always wash my hands!"
Laughing as he tried to get away from his mother, Seamus tripped over the chair and fell down. Margaret grabbed her broom and swatted Seamus on the behind and said,
"Come here and give your mother a kiss!"
Seamus struggled to his feet and fell into his mother's arms. First laughing and then crying, Seamus told his mother that while he would miss her, he would never forget her. He told about how he had reconciled his mind and heart to leaving his beloved Valley of Cummeragh while praying at his father's grave that morning. He would pray for her always and for Yvonne, Martin, Paul, Breda, and Tomas. And then he told her that he would do the best that he could to help her and maybe some day he would come back, at least for a visit.
"Seamus, dear Seamus, don't be worrying about that right now. Just take care of yourself and that will be the best thing that you can do for me. And when you go into Cahirciveen tomorrow, after you see the Undertaker and AFTER you go to Confession, you go to the market and see if you can bring home some Guinness and we'll save it for your going away dinner."
Seamus didn't like the way that that sounded...going away dinner! Going away? Wasn't there some better way to say it? Well, right now he decided that he would not worry about that. Let's take care of one thing at a time and right now he had to go take care of the chickens and maybe even kill one for tonight's dinner.
"Ma, do you want me to get a chicken ready for dinner tonight?"
"Please, that's be fine."
The next morning, after his brothers and sisters went off to school, Margaret gave Seamus some money so that he could buy the Guinness and maybe even something to eat in Cahirciveen. Seamus rode off to town and after hearing the undertaker tell him that in three days time he would be bringing his father's gravestone out to the cemetery, Seamus headed for O'Connell Memorial Church. He hoped that the old Canon would be hearing Confessions since the old man did not hear too well and would not know what sins Seamus would be confessing. As he entered the church, Seamus breathed a sign of relief. Other penitents were lined up at Canon Moriarity's Confessional. He thought that God was certainly with him and making it easy for him to do what he had promised.
Seamus took his place in line and waited for his turn. Finally he went behind the red curtain, knelt down, and when Canon Moriarity opened the screen he began,
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinner..."
By the time the Canon gave him absolution "Ego te absolvo..." Seamus wondered if maybe the Canon's hearing had come back. He thought that he would get a penance of a few Our Father or Hail Mary's, but he got the penance of saying the whole Rosary! What did I do? I didn't do anything terrible! I'm not that bad! But what could he do? As he knelt in front of the Saint Joseph Altar, Seamus remembered that his father always had a devotion to Jesus' foster-father. He thought that this would be the best place where he would do his penance, right away, so that he did not have to worry about it later.
His prayers finished, he headed off to the market to buy some Guinness. He smiled as the proprietor questioned why he, a sixteen year old boy, was buying Guinness. The proprietor wasn't sure if should believe this story, but when Seamus told him that he was Colm Gilchrist's son, the man spoke out,
"The carpenter? The man who was drowned last fall? He built the warehouse for this store. I know him! He was a fine man, he was! And you're going to go to America, are you? Is that really true?"
"I am, straight after Easter. I am taking the Olympic boat from Queenstown in County Cork to San Francisco."
"Well, then, take this Guinness as my going away present. You deserve it. God bless you, son!"
Seamus was really confused by now. He'd gotten the biggest penance ever in the Confessional and then he got a gift of Guinness! What was going on here? Well, he thought, this is not worth worrying about. I just need to get home.
A day later Seamus got up very early and stole out of the house. He had to get to Old Dromod Cemetery and fix up his father's grave. Mr. O'Connell was coming that very morning to put his father's gravestone on the grave and Seamus wanted everything to be perfect and ready. As he approached the cemetery, he passed Father Kennedy. Seamus wondered why Father Kennedy was up and about so early. He told him that old Mrs. Burns was dying and needed the Last Rites and he was just returning to the priest house.
"And you, Seamus, what are you doing up at this hour? You should be at home in bed."
"Father, my Pa's gravestone is being brought here today from Cahirciveen and I have to make sure that everything is ready."
"What time is it coming?"
"Mr. O'Connell said that he would be here by Noon today and I have to make sure that it looks good."
"Noon, you say. Hmmm, I'll come down then a little later and bless the stone for your father. Would you like that?"
"Father, thank you! That would be perfect!"
As Father Kennedy hurried up the hill towards the Church, Seamus headed into the cemetery and spent the next two hours getting the grave ready for the delivery of the gravestone. All the while Seamus was talking with his father and telling him what was going on. How he didn't know, but he was sure that he father knew what he was doing and that he was praying for him. He was thankful for that, but he also knew that he had better get home so that he could clean up before the Undertaker arrived with the stone.
Hurrying back to his cottage, Seamus barely had enough time to wash his hands and face before heading right back down the road with his family. Seamus was distressed to see that Mr. O'Connell had arrived at the cemetery before he was there. Seamus wanted to greet him and lead him to the grave. But there he was. He went over to Mr. O'Connell and said,
"Thank you, sir, for doing this for my family."
"Seamus, it's an honor to do this for a fine man like your father."
For the next hour the Gilchrist family watched at Mr. O'Connell and his assistant prepared the foundation for the gravestone. Tomas and Breda, his youngest brother and sisters were quickly bored and started running around, trying to amuse themselves. Seamus wasn't sure if this was the right way to act in the cemetery, but he knew that they did not understand everything and so he said nothing. Finally, he did sit down on his grandfather's grave to watch the work, hoping that his grandfather would not be offended since there was no disrespect intended.
When his father's gravestone was almost completely set, Father Kennedy walked into the cemetery.. Margaret looked up, surprised, and asked,
"Father, what brings you here today?"
"Margaret, didn't that boy of yours tell you that I was going to come by today and bless the new stone on Colm's grave?" Smiling as he looked over at Seamus, he continued, "Has his brain turned to mush now?"
He knew, of course, that Seamus had many things on his mind and so he was not worried that he failed to tell his mother that he was coming to bless Colm's gravestone.
Walking towards the grave, he saw Seamus sitting on his grandfather's grave. Very loudly he cleared his throat and Seamus turned to see who was coming. Seeing Father Kennedy carrying the holy water bucket, Seamus jumped to his feet and greeted him,
"Father, you've come. Thanks!"
"Of course, I come. I told you that I was coming and you didn't tell your poor mother that I was coming. Now she is all a flutter. When you go to America you've got to do better."
Seamus blushed and just said,
"I'll try, Father."
"I know you will, Seamus. You'll do fine."
At long last Mr. O'Connell turned to Seamus and said,
"We're finished."
Seamus went over to the gravestone, gently rubbed his hands all over it and quietly said,
"It's perfect. Thank you so much!"
As Seamus was lost in his thoughts and prayers, Father Kennedy went to bring Margaret and the rest of the Gilchrist family to the grave. As Margaret gathered the children together, Father Kennedy went over and gently tapped Seamus on the shoulder.
"Seamus, we're ready to begin."
"Oh sure, Father. Sorry!"
Father Kennedy then said a few prayers in Latin and sprinkled the gravestone with holy water. He turned to Margaret and asked,
"Shall we say the Glorious Mysteries for the happy repose of the soul of your Colm?"
"Father, do you have time?"
"Margaret, for you and your family, I have time. Especially for this one I have time."
As he said this he tenderly punched Seamus on the side of his head. Seamus blushed and said,
"Father, what do you mean? I'm not a bad boy. I even went to Confession the other day to Canon Moriarity!"
"Yes, because he can't hear what you say, right? That's why I go to confession to the Canon myself."
At this Seamus and Father Kennedy shared a good laugh. Seamus was tempted to tell him that he had gotten a whole Rosary as his penance, but he worried that if he told Father Kennedy this he might think he really was not a good boy as he seemed to think he was. So, Seamus decided that the Rosary would be his secret and he kept his mouth shut.
Led by Father Kennedy, the Gilchrist Family began praying the Glorious Mysteries. Seamus found it hard to concentrate on his prayers. When would he return and see this grave? What would he do on his trip on the Olympic? Would his mother miss him or would she forget him? What about Martin and Yvonne? Paul and Breda? What about Tomas? He was only six years old. Would he remember his older brother? Would he remember his father? Seamus worried that by the time Tomas was his age he would have forgotten about his father and maybe even him. But what could he do about it? Well, there was nothing that Seamus could do. He prayed, Dear God, just bless my family. I am going to leave them pretty soon, but somehow, God, I will take them with me and remember them always.
Father Kennedy continued to pray the Rosary...The Resurrection...The Ascension, The Descent of the Holy Spirit...The Assumption...The Coronation. Even though this Rosary was no longer than the one that he had said the other day in O'Connell Memorial Church, it seemed to Seamus to have gone on and on. Like Tomas, he was getting a little bored, but then he thought about it and said in his heart, "Dear God, sorry for thinking that way. It's just that I have these other things going on right now. I don't mean no disrespect, I don't!"
When Father Kennedy gave his blessing at the end of the Rosary, Margaret Gilchrist called Mr. O'Connell over and handed him an envelope.
"Mr. O'Connell, you've been a blessing to me and my family. The gravestone is nothing short of perfect. Even though it is stone, I know that Colm would love it."
Mr. O'Connell smiled and said,
"Margaret, I know that there was nobody better at working with wood than your dear, departed husband. But if we put wood here it would be gone in a year or two. This one will last long beyond the time that your son brings his own children back here from America to see the valley that is his home."
"God bless you for your kindness to me now. God bless you, Mr. O'Connell!"
As the undertaker gather up his tools and left with his assistant, Margaret gathered her family together.
"I want all of you to remember this blessed day. We're all here together now, but pretty soon your brother is going to go away to America, but always remember that no matter what, we are a family. Remember that, will all of you?"
They all nodded their heads. With that, she started to lead them on their way to the gate of the cemetery. As Seamus started to leave the cemetery, his mother asked him to take his brothers and sisters him. She needed to speak privately to Father Kennedy. He wondered what that was all about, but he knew this was none of his business. He gathered them together, told them to hold hands and down the road they went. They sang some songs and they asked Seamus lots of questions about what he was going to do in California. He told them that he really didn't know what he was going to do. After all, he said, "I'm still here in the Valley of Cummeragh. I don't know California. But I promise you that I will write a letter when I can."
"How long will it take that letter to come all the way here?"
Shrugging his shoulders, Seamus replied, "Haven't a clue, Martin. Maybe a couple of months. I don't know."
By the time that they reached home, the younger Gilchrists were very tired from all of their walking. Seamus sent them upstairs to take a nap and then he began to prepare something for them to eat. He wasn't much of a cook, but he had watched his mother and so he thought that maybe he could get something ready before she came home.
He was almost finished when his mother came in and asked,
"And what do you think you are doing, young man?"
Rolling his eyes, Seamus responded,
"What does it look like? I'm making a mess. But at least I washed my hands!"
Margaret smiled and said,
"You go take a rest for a moment. You were up early today and I will finish. Thank you, Seamus!"
Seamus was happy to let his mother finish cooking. He liked building things with his father, but cooking, he thought, was really woman's work. He had enough sense, thankfully, to keep this idea to himself. He went upstairs to lay down and before he knew it, he was fast asleep. His mother came into his room and when she saw he lying there, she came over and pulled the blanket over him.
"Seamus, may the angels watch over you always. I'll miss you but I will always love you."
With that piety in her heart, Margaret carefully closed the door to Seamus' room and tip-toed downstairs. He could eat later, after he had rested for s few hours. Remembering the rest of her brood, she saw that they too were fast asleep. "Well, she prayed, "this has been hard for them. I guess they need their rest too. God, please watch over all of my family. They are good children, God. Keep them safe."
Margaret quietly went down stairs and poured herself a glass of cool water, sat in her chair, and fell asleep herself. She was tired to the bone. Like her family, she too needed her rest.